1. zaid818

    Dear Ibadat,

    I’d like to begin by saying that I am very glad to be in this class with many individuals whose writing I have never read before – especially since I’ve taken this course for so long. It’s always nice to read another magnificent piece from someone when it’s a free choice since I believe that is when an individual really shows their true passion as a writer.
    What I admire most about this piece is its progression – it takes place in and describes many moments of time that relate to the past and future in a logical and engaging way. The asides and flashbacks don’t seem irregular by any means, and I definitely see your work as exemplary in that regard. Your ability to describe vividly the scenery of the plane and the “City of Lights” is masterful and I definitely have much to learn from you.
    If I were to be nitpicky, I’d suggest adding techniques such as repetition or alliteration more frequently. That’s a purely stylistic choice though, and I only pointed it out since your writing was perfect as far as I could tell.
    This piece is incredibly polished and strong. I honestly think it could be published in a magazine, which is a good thing to put on a resume or to win some money. I am incredibly impressed and will definitely return to your blog for more of this excellent work.


    • ibadatwarring

      Hi Zaid,

      First of all, I think your comment has boosted my ego a little bit too much, as it is coming from a much more experienced writer in the class. I definitely agree with you, the addition of literary devices would add a stronger voice to the writing. I will try to work on this throughout the semester as I work on enhancing my techniques as a writer. Thank you for your kind words and thank you for taking time to comment and help me improve my writing. I look forward to reading more of your work as well because I unquestionably have a lot to learn from you!



  2. nehchal841

    Dear Ibadat,
    I loved reading your free choice piece as I was intrigued right from the beginning and couldn’t help, but go back and read it again. It’s hard to believe that this is your first time taking this class as your writing is very polished and powerful. What stood out to me the most while reading, was your transitional lines between paragraphs. I thought that was a clever way to make for a smooth transititon.

    I couldn’t find much that needed fixing, but what I did notice was some missing commas before the word “but”.

    I can’t wait to visit your blog again to see some more amazing writing.


    • ibadatwarring

      Hi Nehchal,

      Thank you for your kind words! I definitely agree with you, there are some GUMPS that could be avoided. I will try to work on this throughout the semester by editing my work more closely before I submit it. I look forward to reading your writing as well!



  3. khushman783

    Dear Ibbi,

    I just want to start off by saying this piece is beautifully written and very unexpected from someone who has taken this class for the first time. I throughly enjoyed the use of imagery throughout the piece, giving the reader an illusion of being there with you, and how the use of words lead to a super fluid and polished piece. Just as Zaid had mentioned the progression within the story made a huge impact and the flashbacks did not seem out of place.

    From what I have read the piece has little to no errors as previously stated, but I had noticed few missing commas as well. For example after the word “with” in paragraph 10.

    This piece was a joy to read and I cant wait for what you have in store!


    • ibadatwarring

      Hi Khushman,

      I went in and fixed the punctuation you mentioned. Thank you for your gratitude. I look forward to checking out your blog!


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