4 Comments

  1. cinlestial

    Dear Ibadat,

    Every single writing piece of yours manages to blow me away each time. You’re such a good writer?!? This poem seems like something I would have to analyze at school in ELA class. You wrote this?!?!? I love how this poem is a clear reflection of yourself and your heritage (a sneaky little About Me moment that I remembered, big brain here). The poem has so much impact with such minimalistic wording and structure. I love it. 10/10.

    I’m not really sure if I have criticism. I noticed that you used a lot of commas (when I don’t really think you need to (?) or you could just structure the sentence differently (?) commas are fun to use, but too much comma use can be excessive). For example, in the second stanza, a semicolon or a dash could possibly work instead of the excessive commas. (I’m starting to doubt my grammar usage as I think about this. I could be wrong and I’m sorry).

    I’m super impressed by your writing and the fluctuation of ideas you have throughout your blog. It all ties together and that’s super cool! I will be reading your future pieces – not a threat, but a promise.

    Sincerely,
    Cindy <3

    • ibadatwarring

      Hi Cindy,

      Thank you so much for your kind words! (You hyping my writing up always makes my day.)I was kind of afraid to play around with the structure of the poem and I thought comma’s would add a sense of flow. However, I do see where comma usage can become a tad bit too much. I will keep this in mind next time I try poetry. I look forward to your comments on future pieces and I as well am excited to see what creative masterpieces you come up with.

      Sincerely,

      Ibadat

  2. sadhiya7

    Dear Ibadat,

    This was a sentimental piece, the way you constructed and structured your piece made it more thorough while touching many people. I love your writing, It reminds me of many notable poems. I hope I can attain your skill of describing something with little words yet with so much relevance. It was really hard for me to pick a favourite part but I think it was the last stanza. It struck me when you said, ” serves a constant reminder that in twenty years time, a desert will remind him of his land snatched by corruption.” You poetically described the consequences farmers will have to face. I absolutely enjoyed every minute of reading this poem and I am excited to read more of your writing.

    • ibadatwarring

      Hi Sadhiya,

      Thank you for your kindhearted words! I did try to describe the the last stanza with minimal description, I thought it would be more meaningful and impactful that way. I look forward to reading your writing as well!

      -Ibadat

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