as he looks up from the wilting cotton, perspiration smolders his forehead, the wrinkles around his dark brown eyes squint, and blackened calluses on his hands ache. the scorched canola hug his limping body, his lifeline, his mere source of income, thus the accumulation of his sacrifices. his hope parched for water, on a land struggling to cope with agriculture, the land of five rivers, now becoming the land of the forgotten. once a symbol of Punjab’s strength, now the land without aqua serves a constant reminder that in twenty years time, a desert will remind him of his land snatched by corruption.
Explanation:
I wrote this poem as a free verse poem sectioned into four stanzas. I wrote a free verse poem, because I wanted to get my point across clearly with four stanzas each trying to bring the story together. I don’t think a rhyme scheme would shed the same respect as a free verse poem, because rhymes tend to showcase a sense of perfection. However, this situation is very close to my heart and the reality of the situation is devastating. My family comes from a long line of farmers; generations and generations of my family have been heavily involved in agriculture in Punjab, India. Punjab is a northern state in India, where agriculture is one of the most prominent industries. Punjab means “Land of the Five Rivers” in Punjabi, but water levels are becoming scarce and groundwater sources are fast depleting. Seventy five percent of the water from these rivers have been diverted to other states, leaving Punjab with only 2.5 rivers. Moreover, NASA has put the state on red alert, concerned that it will become a desert in fifteen years. However, this isn’t the only factor affecting livelihoods of farmers in Punjab. There are new bills to be put in legislation that will privatize certain aspects of selling crops, leaving the farmers with no safety net to fall back on. By capitalizing the market, these farmers are facing new challenges, regulations, and poverty on top of the mounting challenges of climate change. This is leading to devastating drug usage, alcohol consumption, illness and higher suicide rates in these communities. Sadly, farmer suicide is a common occurence in Punjab with 16,606 suicides between 2000-2015. With all of this being said, I don’t think we realize how big of a role farmers play in our lives. So if you ate today, please keep these farmers in mind.
Link:
Featured Image: https://www.financialexpress.com/economy/ditching-mandis-selling-directly–how-these-punjab-farmers-are-building-brands-making-farming-profitable/1453397/
Dear Ibadat,
Every single writing piece of yours manages to blow me away each time. You’re such a good writer?!? This poem seems like something I would have to analyze at school in ELA class. You wrote this?!?!? I love how this poem is a clear reflection of yourself and your heritage (a sneaky little About Me moment that I remembered, big brain here). The poem has so much impact with such minimalistic wording and structure. I love it. 10/10.
I’m not really sure if I have criticism. I noticed that you used a lot of commas (when I don’t really think you need to (?) or you could just structure the sentence differently (?) commas are fun to use, but too much comma use can be excessive). For example, in the second stanza, a semicolon or a dash could possibly work instead of the excessive commas. (I’m starting to doubt my grammar usage as I think about this. I could be wrong and I’m sorry).
I’m super impressed by your writing and the fluctuation of ideas you have throughout your blog. It all ties together and that’s super cool! I will be reading your future pieces – not a threat, but a promise.
Sincerely,
Cindy <3
Hi Cindy,
Thank you so much for your kind words! (You hyping my writing up always makes my day.)I was kind of afraid to play around with the structure of the poem and I thought comma’s would add a sense of flow. However, I do see where comma usage can become a tad bit too much. I will keep this in mind next time I try poetry. I look forward to your comments on future pieces and I as well am excited to see what creative masterpieces you come up with.
Sincerely,
Ibadat
Dear Ibadat,
This was a sentimental piece, the way you constructed and structured your piece made it more thorough while touching many people. I love your writing, It reminds me of many notable poems. I hope I can attain your skill of describing something with little words yet with so much relevance. It was really hard for me to pick a favourite part but I think it was the last stanza. It struck me when you said, ” serves a constant reminder that in twenty years time, a desert will remind him of his land snatched by corruption.” You poetically described the consequences farmers will have to face. I absolutely enjoyed every minute of reading this poem and I am excited to read more of your writing.
Hi Sadhiya,
Thank you for your kindhearted words! I did try to describe the the last stanza with minimal description, I thought it would be more meaningful and impactful that way. I look forward to reading your writing as well!
-Ibadat